


I'm Not Going To Leave You For The Second Time

by Tikatikox



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: After Sherrinford, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Holmes Brothers, M/M, holmescest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 08:15:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12526976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tikatikox/pseuds/Tikatikox
Summary: Mycroft is going to move to London to work with Uncle Rudi. But Sherlock not wanting his brother to leave just like that without resolved their feelings to each other. This leads to their strange relationship all this time.





	I'm Not Going To Leave You For The Second Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by a song titled Home Is Such A Lonely Place by Blink - 182.
> 
> English is not my native language so I'm sorry for grammatical mistakes.

>  
> 
> ****_We're falling faster than we can fly_  
>  Forgotten seconds out on Sunset Drive  
>  And I hold on tight   
>  But not enough to hold you back 

It’s weekend, but Sherlock gets up very early in the morning. Today Mycroft is coming back from college. He just graduated last week, and he will come home for a while. Sherlock can’t even describe how excited he is. He takes a shower, wears his favorite T-shirt and brushed his hair. He did his best to look presentable. He even tidies up his room and makes a list of many things that he wanted to discuss with his brother.

 

It takes one year to calm Sherlock down when the first-time Mycroft went to college. He throws tantrums and sulk every day and ignored Mycroft’s call. However, Mycroft never gives up. He keeps calling him, sent him some mails and books, and comes home at least once every month.Sherlock spent his early teenage alone, busy with lots of experiments. He didn't think much about the changing of his body or the desire that lurking around inside him. And he’s aware that the constant interaction between him, and his brother will lead him to something dangerous. Something like cross the border.

 

Until last year, the night before his 15th birthday he got a wet dream for the first time. He didn't see anything. He only heard his brother's voice moaning his name. And that's when he knows he almost crosses that border. At first, he felt terrified and disgusted by himself, but it's not Sherlock if he not tries something dangerous. He has a feeling that his brother actually desires him the same way. So he tried to test the water. Once a while he will write, “I prefer to be held in your arms right now” or “I missed you” at his mail, and Mycroft never mentioned it on his reply. So Sherlock deduced that his brother has the same feelings for him but try to suppress it.

 

There's a sound of Mycroft's car from the distance and Sherlock just running down the stairs to the front door where Mummy and Father already there. “Oh welcome home Mycie!” Mummies give him a bear hug and Father just pat his shoulder awkwardly like every father would be. Then Mummy drags him inside to the dining table. Mycroft could only look behind his shoulder and meet Sherlock's eyes for the first time that day. He smiles sheepishly to his younger brother, but they both know that his eyes were blown wide with desires when he looks at him. The 16 years-old Sherlock is a pure beauty. He got taller, and his dark hair becomes longer. His shoulder becomes broader, and his thin body started to have muscles. He had a hard time controlling himself the whole lunch. 

 

* * *

 

“I missed you”Sherlock snuggles his head on Mycroft neck like a kitty. Mycroft's react a bit tense but embrace him anyway. They're at Sherlock's room at the moment, trying to catch up with his latest experiment.

“Well, I'm here now.”

“But not for long”

Sherlock moves back and pouting like a child. He sits down on his bed a bit dramatically followed by his brother.

“Sherlock…”

“You will be leaving after three days. Again. And I don't even know when you'll be coming back!”

“Sherlock, I don't want to have a row with you just like when I'm leaving for college. You're 16 now, and I hope you understand my situation. Am I not proving you enough all this time? All those calls and mails?”

Mycroft tries to soften his voice when he realized he becomes too hard on his brother. Deep inside he doesn't want to leave Sherlock again. He wanted to stay inside and protect his baby brother forever and give him all the affection as much as he could, as a brother. Even so, he has a dream to chase, and Uncle Rudi gives him the opportunity to work with him in London along with his responsibility of his youngest sister.He's aware that Sherlock desired him the way he did, but he can't risk it. Sherlock has a future. Sherlock still has a long way to explore his sexual life and a chance to meet a proper partner. He knows he would break his heart, but he needs to. He needs to become a big brother, and that's enough.

“Sherlock, please, I only have three days left. Let's… let's just cherish our time, would you?” Sherlock could sense it, that his brother won't take any steps to move forward with their feelings towards each other. He knows that Mycroft just going to sweep all their feelings under the rug. It's hurting him inside, but he knows he needs to play along with him. He's going to cherish this moment.

 

* * *

 

> **_I love the lightning but hate the rain_ **  
>  **_Tomorrow's frightening but not today_ **  
>  **_Wish I could slow down time_ **  
>  **_But not enough to slow you down_ **

Three days is not enough. After breakfast, they would go to the library, drown in their own books and just enjoy each other company. And then they would spend the day doing a science experiment. In the evening, they would play violin and piano as a duet. It's all happy and normal, just like what they used to do together since they're younger. Nothing changes except their love. The love that grew into something more. 

 

They're happy under the sunlight, but when the darkness comes they realize they just forced themselves to be happy, for the sake of their different path of life. Every night Sherlock would sleep beside his brother and cry silently. Mycroft didn't say anything either because his heart is broken as well. It's hurt to understand each other feelings so well, but they can't talk about it. They can't say it. Can't bring up the topic. It's just a painful silent, every night.

 

* * *

> **_I feel like the moon_ **  
>  **_Is spinning off into outer space without you_ **  
>  **_The universe an empty place without you_ **  
>    
>  **_I wish that we could save today_ **  
>  **_But I know we can't stay the same_ **  
>  **_And I keep pushing you away_ **
> 
>   
>  **_Don't wait for me_ **  
>  **_Don't wait for me_ **

 

After the longest dinner (because Mummy getting emotional and gives Mycroft long talking about the world that he would enter) the brothers managed to escape. Sherlock just finished taking a shower when he comes into Mycroft's room and finds his big brother smoking near the window. 

“Mummy would find out”

“I'm 24”

“Really? She would still wreck your ears”

“She won't. I'm her favorite. We both know that.”Sherlock just snorts and laugh at that. He sits on the bed and watching Mycroft inhale the toxic to his body. The sight of his brother smoking is kind of turn him on. Mycroft's long fingers wrapped that thin cigarette elegantly, and his sounds every time he exhales just… sexy. 

 

And suddenly tears running down his cheeks. He just thought that it would be so normal if they banter with each other without feeling this way. Everything would be so normal if he's not getting hard because of his big brother. He would not have this painful feeling on his chest if they're just… brothers.

“We need to talk about this My.”

“Sherlock, I think this is clear-"

“Nothing is clear, Mycroft! You just wanted to leave without talking about this, right?!”

“About what, if I may ask?”

“Us!”

“There's nothing wrong with us, baby brother.”

“There is! Do you think I don't know? Do you think I don't feel it?! Do you know how much I love you-”

Sherlock rambling was cut by a soft lip against his. His body froze, and his mind fell into a shock. Mycroft gives him another peck, and then he slightly deepened the kiss for a second. “I know.”

He kisses the tears away and looks back into his baby brother's eyes.

“I just don't want to break your heart. You deserve a better future, Sherlock.”

“No! What if you are my future?! What if I want to be with you forever?!” 

“Sherlock, please. Be realistic. Please listen to me, just for once.”

“Be realistic?! So you think our feelings are not 'realistic’ enough?”

“It's not normal enough to keep you by my side forever, Sherlock.” 

“I don't want to hear any of this!”

“Yet you're the first one who brings this up! What do you expect?!”

“Say it! Just say it My, and kiss me! Then I'll play your game. I'll be your baby brother, forever.” 

“I. Love. You.” He gives him kisses at every word.

“I'm sorry Sherlock.” 

“I love you too My..."

And they are kissing with tears on both faces. Sherlock holds onto Mycroft's shirt like his life depends on it. He really wishes this is never an end. Mycroft can't hold his tears any longer, and he is sobbing while keeps kissing Sherlock. All the unsaid feelings, all their love, it's just too painful. He can't have his baby brother. He just can't. They keep kissing all night, ignoring their hardness down there. There's no time for that. They just need to taste each other soul through the kiss for this moment. Because they believe they won't have any chance in the future. 

 

The morning comes, and Sherlock opened his eyes. He realized his brother is no longer in the house. He already left. Sherlock touches his swollen lips, and again; he cried.

 

________

> **_Home is such a lonely place without you_ **  
>  **_Home is such a lonely place_ **
> 
>  

Sherlock lose his sparks and depressed. Mummy and Father take it as an angsty-phase and effects from Mycroft departures. Well, it's not 100% wrong. He misses his brother, but his old version brother. Mycroft still constantly sends him mail, cards, even phone him. Even so, its lack of affection. Mycroft reduces his 'love’ to Sherlock. Their conversation soon became heartless and just a generic conversation between brothers. No laugh, no jokes, nothing. 

 

And Sherlock becomes more bitter and arrogant towards Mycroft. They bicker and banter, and somehow they find a way to become 'normal siblings. Sherlock stops responding Mycroft's mail and phone call. Mycroft stops calling him but still mails him regularly even though Sherlock never sends him back. And Mycroft didn't come home anymore, not even Christmas. Sherlock just loses hope.

 

After graduating from college, Sherlock runs away from home to London. He needs to see his brother. He needs him. But somehow he ends up at the drug den. He doesn't care anymore. 

“I hate you!” 

is the last thing he said to Mycroft when he left for rehab. From this point, Mycroft is just a fatcroft, his arch enemy who's always meddling in his life. He's no longer the lovely big brother. And it hurts so much because Sherlock knows this is all only to make him hate his brother more and more. Because hate your sibling is more acceptable than fall in love with them.

 

_______

 

John Watson is a good man. That's the best, he can say to himself when he looks for his brother running around London to catch the bad guy with his new friend, John Hamish Watson. It's hurt indeed, to see himself getting replaced on Sherlock's heart. Nevertheless, this is more than enough as long as his baby brother happy.  “This is family!”

“That's why he stays!”

Checkmate. That's when Mycroft realized that his brother no longer needs him. Mycroft felt sick about that time, to accept that this man, this goldfish is the closest person to Sherlock. His family while Mycroft drifting as a stranger. That's why he decided to make Sherlock shoot him, to sacrifice himself. He was firm Sherlock already hate him from all this time. He was certain there's no more love for him. And he was more than ready if the most beloved man in his life is the one who's going to end his life.  He's hurting him many times. He deserves a bullet to his heart. But then again, he finds something behind those eyes. Sherlock can't pull the trigger and there's only one reason. He still loves him. 

 

_______

 

It's a year after Sherrinford and it's Christmas. Mummy invited John and Rosie to the cottage just like the last time with Mary. Everyone is recovered after the horrible event. Mummy and Father do their best to accept everything and not to blame their eldest son. However, still, Mycroft can't back on his position as Mummy's favorite or The Smart One. Mycroft closed himself all year and just showed up at this Christmas, and tomorrow he'll be going back to his office while Sherlock and John would stay for the whole week. 

 

That night Sherlock couldn't sleep at all. His mind keeps replaying the last night with Mycroft when he was 16. After that, he keeps pushing away from his big brother. He knows his brother sacrifice lot of things for everyone around him. He sacrifices his youth to be the protector of Eurus. He sacrifices his feelings and his relationship with Sherlock for the sake of his brother's future. He sacrifices his life for his job and his country. Mycroft always becomes the reasonable one, with logic and all. 

 

And unconsciously he's knocking on Mycroft's room.

 

“What do you want brother mine?”

 

Sherlock comes in and close the door behind him. He takes a look at Mycroft's old room. Nothing changes. And Mycroft sits upon his bed, reading lots of paperwork. Gosh, he looks so much older than the last time they had conversations here. It takes many years for them up until this point. 

“We need to talk about this”

 

“About what, if may I ask?”

Mycroft couldn't help but smile with the similarity from many years ago.

 

“I… I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I hate you for the longest time. I just... I just want my brother back.”

“Back? I'm never going anywhere, Sherlock. I'm always here.”

“I know! I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for pointed that gun towards you.”

“I deserve it, Sherlock. You have the rights to shoot me. Do you remember what I've done to you in this room? I broke your heart, and I regret it up until this moment.”

“No, you just being the grown-up like you're supposed to be. And I'm the one who can't keep up with you.”

“But why now? I thought you already had Dr. Watson.”

“After everything that happened at the Sherrinford... the motion grenade, the gun, Eurus. That's the closest for me to lose you. There's a possibility that we couldn't escape. There's a chance, I wouldn't see you anymore. I was already losing you the moment you got out of this room many years ago. I don't want to lose you completely.”

“I'm sorry Sherlock. I really regret my decision. I was being immature at that time. I can't find the proper way out. I can't take the risk of loving you. I'm sorry.”

“do you still love me now?”

“You have no idea”

Mycroft just gets up and walks to his brother while he pulled his ring from his finger. He put that ring on Sherlock's palm.

“I constantly loving you and I don't have any intention to stop doing that.”

Sherlock takes a look on his ring,

the mysterious ring that his brother consistently wearing. And he just held his breath when he realized the name that carved on the inside of the ring were his name.

 

**_Sherlock Holmes_ **

 

“How about you? Do you still love me? I'm an old man now. I have wrinkles. I understand if you're not-”

 

His body freezes when he feels Sherlock's lips on his. 

“I. Love, You”

 

And their lips meet for the second time in their whole life. They parted and rest on each other forehead. 

“Is this means I have my second chance, Sherlock?”

“For what?”

“For asking you to be my lover. My brother and my lover.”

“Of course My. Oh God, I missed you so much!”

 

They kissed more deeply and passionately. They precisely spend the whole night making out. They cry silently just like the old times. But today was the tears of joy.

The Holmes Brothers are back. They know they can't suddenly get along on the outside.

They know they can't show the world their love for each other. But they promised to each other to never let go, never again. 

Sherlock just kissed his brother's tears and smile.

“I need to go back to my room now”

“I know”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, brother mine.”

“You'll still be here in the morning? Please?”

“Of course Sherlock. I'm not going to leave you for the second time.”

  
  
  



End file.
